i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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