Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
