I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
