the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
