I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize