Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
