he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
