That's intense
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
