I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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