Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
