I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
