life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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