Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
