I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
