The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
