If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
