Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Duck Duck Cougar?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
