You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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