New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
