I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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