dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
