so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
