who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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