He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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