somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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