The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
