So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
