If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
