I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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