You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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