i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
