Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's just like the Real World with babies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
