we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
