i just had sex bonerless
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
