You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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