she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
