Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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