epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
