oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
