Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
