where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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