It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
