Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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