I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
