she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
