she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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