This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
