We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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