FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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