They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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