i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
