I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
