i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize