I wanna passion pit in your ass
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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