After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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