So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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