i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
