you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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