I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize