I am spending my child support on dildos
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
