that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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