hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
