I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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