3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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