I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
