the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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