Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
