she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
