You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
