she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
