I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
